


my mind is reeling

by smudgythoughts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 13:56:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10945935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smudgythoughts/pseuds/smudgythoughts
Summary: Cas was dead. Deceased. Gone.Dean could do nothing but hold his broken body to his chest and cry.





	my mind is reeling

Cas was dead. Deceased. Gone.

Dean could do nothing but hold his broken body to his chest and cry. His chest heaved with dry sobs, unable to muster up the ability to shed tears. This was a deeper sadness - one that had a tight hold of his heart and wouldn’t let go, wouldn’t _ever_ let go.

Just hours ago Dean had been happy. Well, as happy as he could have been, with Cas’s absence felt with every _thump thump_ of his heart. But, he’d at least been able to smile. Able to smile and knock back beers with Sam and Mary. They’d defeated the British Men of Letters, Mary had gotten over their mind control - _hell_ , she’d shot Ketch right between the eyes - and Dean had allowed himself a single moment of peace. Naturally, that was when everything went to hell. Mary - trapped in an apocalyptic world with friggin’ Lucifer, of all people. Cas - cold and dead in his arms. His mother and his angel gone within minutes of each other.

Dean kept looking down at his angel, expecting an angelic blue light to fill his eyes like all the times before. There was nothing. Just Cas’s clouded, empty eyes staring up at him.

Dean had lost a lot of people over the years. Jo. Ellen. Lisa. Bobby. Kevin. Charlie. The list went on and on. But Cas’s death was the one death - besides his brother’s - that Dean couldn't live with, wouldn’t accept.

 

He carried Cas’s body - he couldn't think of it as vessel, not after all they’d been through - bridal style, up to the house, through the main room, then up the stairs. The weight of his regret was heavier than the body in his arms. There was a million things he wished he said to Cas, but they all dwindled down to three words.

“I love you,” he muttered into the crook of Cas’s cold, pale, neck.

He wished he’d had the courage to say that when the angel was alive. Whisper the words into Cas’s ear right before they fall asleep, side by side, legs tangled together. Say them over morning coffee. Over lunch dates and movie dates. But Dean was a _coward_. Despite all the demons and angels, werewolves and vampires, leviathans and archangels he’d faced, he couldn’t even say three simple words to the person who’d needed to hear them the most.

Sam looked up as he entered. His astonished face slipped into one of pity.

“So, is he really, you know?” Sam asked, gesturing at Cas’s lifeless body nestled in Dean’s arms.

Dean swallowed over the lump in his throat. "Yeah."

He finally looked over toward the corner. A man in his early twenties was leaning casually against the wall. It was Lucifer’s son, the Nephilim Kelly had lovingly named Jack. The Nephilim that Cas had practically given up his life for.

If Dean hadn’t been so heartbroken, he wouldn’t make fun of Lucifer’s son for being named _Jack_ , of all things.

“Are you planning to kill us?” Dean asked the Nephilim pointedly. At this point, he didn’t know what he hoped the answer would be. For all the times he'd saves the world, he didn't really care for it much. It wasn't like the world had ever helped him, ever helped _Cas_.

“No, I don’t share my father’s plans for world destruction,” Jack replied.

The Nephilim glanced down at Cas. “I can fix him, if you want.”

Dean gaped at Jack, mouth half-opened in surprise. “You - you can?” He asked hopefully.

“Yes, most powerful being in this universe, remember? Just bring him closer.”

After a reassuring nod from Sam, Dean crouched down in front of the Nephilim, arms still wrapped around Cas, unable to let go of him. Jack brought one hand down to rest on Cas’s forehead, and Cas’s eyes filled with a yellow light, similar to that of an angel’s grace.

Then Cas grew warm, his eyelids fluttering open and closed. And there were the familiar blue eyes that Dean had missed so much, now filled with the light of _life_.

“Dean?” Cas croaked out, looking at him in wonderment and amazement.

Dean didn’t think. Just acted. Leaned down and pressed his lips to Cas’s. The angel went slack, before working his mouth against Dean’s. There was no tongue, just tenderness and devotion conveyed through the soft press of their mouths. 

The hunter broke away first, with one last reassuring kiss, then grinned down at Cas.

“You’re alive,” he said, heart feeling too full, “My angel is alive. I don’t want you to leave anymore, alright?”

“I’ll stay, as long as you'll have me,” Cas promised, eyes bright, full of love. He reached a hand up to Dean's face, then caressed his cheek with a gentle hand. Dean leaned into his touch.

"I want you forever," Dean said, the words falling softly, "In every way possible."


End file.
